36 Hours
by Affable as Ever
Summary: Tony has a bad habit of attacking Bruce out of his own insecurities, and is afraid that he'll end up driving the man away. It only took 36 hours for his world to come crashing down. (Established Science Boyfriends, first published on Tumblr)


**[The Accident]**

"Don't lie to me! Don't you dare try and lie to me!" his screams echoed over the sounds of the sirens, of the sounds of the defibrillator, he fought against the paramedic holding him back as he struggled and screamed until his throat became raw and he thought he'd never speak again. "Don't try and tell me he's not going to make it! He is!"  
It wasn't supposed to be like this, he'd never meant to push him that far, he'd never meant to cause this. His body shook, stomach churning and they pulled the blanket over the dead mans lifeless face. If he'd had anything in his stomach, he would have thrown up right then. It was never supposed to be like this. It was only words. Meaningless words, he had thrown them around as if they were nothing, but they'd been the last this time. His body writhed, trying to get free, and another paramedic grasped him, two men in white cloaks holding him back as he desperately tried to get to the man, convinced that he may be still alive. "You bring him back," he roared, "you bring him back to me, now!" He voice caught in the back of his throat, choking on a violent sob and he finally collapsed, dissolving into spine tingling, bone chilling, body wracking tears. He closed his eyes, letting the blurred vision of his lovers body being loaded into the back of the ambulance fade into blackness.

It didn't help, the image was burned into the back of his eyelids, and he wrenched himself fully free of the paramedics grip. He didn't have the energy to move, he'd been ripped in half and nothing in the world mattered to him anymore. Blood pounded in his ears and he tried to breathe. But what was the point in breathing now? "It wasn't - supposed- to be like this. Oh, God, I never ment for this to- I can't lose you- I never wanted to lose you," his whole body convulsed, his voice a broken, tortured whisper as he continued trying to regain his grip on reality. He'd been so cruel, so dismissive, thinking it would be easy for him to let go of Bruce, thinking Bruce didn't love him and… oh, God, letting Bruce think that Tony didn't love him back. He groaned with his whole body and wanted nothing more than to have died along with Bruce. The world was falling away, crashing down into chaos and he doubled over, already on his knees, and pressed his forehead to the ground. He didn't care that he was in the middle of the road, a crowd gathering around to watch the death and destruction, watching him come undone as he dug his blunt nails into the asphalt and just cried. "You can't leave me like this- you _can't_ leave me, Bruce, come back to me, please."

**[36 Hours Before The Accident]**

Tony Stark seemed to be hell-bent on ruining his own happiness, always trying to rip it apart at the seams. Subconsciously trying to destroy everything good in his life, hack off the connections that kept him alive. Like Bruce. Bruce was everything good in his life and Tony seemed to be going out of his way to snuff out the happiness they'd created together. Everyone knew that Tony had always been obsessed with the way Bruce transformed from calm to enraged in a split second, the Hulk fascinated him to no end. And that's where it all began, he'd poke the man with pencils, teasing him, trying to get a rise out of him. But he never did, not once. The fact that Bruce never reacted began to grate on Tony, and slowly it got worse; whenever Tony had a bad day, he'd he'd pick at the man. Taking out his frustration on the man, him both physically and mentally, a sick thrill rising in him whenever he thought Bruce was about to crack. Of course, he never did. It was _Bruce_; calm, patient, loving. Perfect Bruce. The man who'd somehow wormed his way into Tony's heart, tamed him, stopped his alcoholism, held him when the nights were painful and saved his life so many times. But here he was throwing snide remarks at Bruce, disregarding everything they'd been though as always, forgetting how Bruce was the only person in the world he wanted to be with. Tony Stark was just done, Bruce was the be all and end all of his romantic life and he knew that if Bruce was ever absent in his life, he'd never find another to take his place. It was impossible. Of course, that didn't deter him from lashing out.

"You know what," Tony growled lowly, bracing himself against the workbench where he'd set himself up to work on the suit, "I just think you're a coward. You've always been a coward. Hiding yourself away in the middle of bloody nowhere, too afraid to have sex because you'd go all Green Guy on your little girlfriend." He snorted, "I don't know how she put up with you."  
He didn't need to look up to know that Bruces' head was bowed, trying to steel himself against the poisonous words Tony was spitting at him. Bruce knew that Tony didn't mean it, he knew they loved each other, he knew that. But the words still gnawed at his heart and sickened him. Sighing deeply, Bruce turned off the bunsen burner, making sure to switch off the gas line before answering with a tense, wounded tone.  
"I cared more about her safety than my own sexual needs, Tony," _you know that,_ "and she didn't put up with me, she loved me," _like I know you do.__  
_Rolling his eyes Tony went back to his work, still bubbling with anger for no reason, he could feel the words rising in his throat and he tried to stop them, but as his nimble fingers made quick word of re-routing the circuitry in the left gauntlet, he knew he couldn't stop himself; "loving you must have been a _monster_ of a task, Banner." The word tumbled in the air like acid, and when he heard no reply, Tony knew he'd gone too far. Taking a deep breath he looked quickly to Bruce, and met a pair of eyes that were angry, but normal. No trace of the Big Guy could be seen and that only enraged Tony more. It was all so irrational, he had no right to be angry. Not that he ever did, Bruce had only ever been wonderful to him and he… was just horrible. Undeserving of the love he was given and he hated himself for it. And yet he couldn't bring himself to apologize, take the completely false statement back, there was seriously something wrong with him. When Bruce walked out, Tony didn't see him for the rest of the night, not until Bruce woke him from where he'd fallen asleep at his desk and taken him back to bed. Tony'd buried his face against Bruce's bare chest, hiding his shame as he cried silently, begging forgiveness from the man he loved. Bruce held him close, kissed him gently, in a way Tony never usually permitted. Perfect Bruce, supportive Bruce, patient, kind, loving, gentle and most of all, forgiving Bruce. Tony knew he deserved none of it, and promised himself as they slowly drifted off to sleep that he would never jeopardize what they had again.

**[29 Hours Before The Accident]**

He'd tried to make himself not be so cruel, to stop digging at Bruce, but he couldn't help it. Something was wrong inside him, and he did it again, throwing toxic words around as if it was nothing. It killed him to see the way Bruce's face would crumble, watching the man collapse inwardly. And he couldn't stop himself. He'd hurt him, then twenty minutes later move forward, wrap his arms around the man, whisper; _'I love you'_ and pretend it was okay. It wasn't okay, what he was doing, it was just wrong. He suspected that what he really wanted was for Bruce to snap and hurt him, he deserved that. Tony deserved punishment for the things he'd done, and especially for what he'd done to Bruce. All through the day he continued to nip at the man, hoping for a reaction he really didn't want. He was horrible. And it had to stop, he had to stop hurting the one person in the world who completed him. Tony needed to stop hurting him. He moved back towards Bruce's form, watching as he unknowingly began to mouth the words to the book he was reading. Bruce was beautiful, flawless. The most amazing man Tony had ever met, and now he couldn't stop smiling.

Stepping behind the back of the chair, Tony draped his arms around the mans shoulders, and pressed his lips against Bruces ear; "I love you."  
The sharp snap of the book closing was what first greeted his ears; "do you really?" the voice was soft, tentative and caused an unpleasant quiver in Tony's stomach. Trying to calm his raging mind, he brushed his lips against the column of Bruce's neck and softly replied; "do I really what?"  
Silence. "Love me?"  
Tony's heart leapt into his throat; _had he really let it get that far? Did Bruce no longer believe that he loved him? _This man, this perfectly imperfect man was his reason to get up in the morning. The reason to open his eyes, because every morning when he did that, he'd see Bruce laying next to him and he knew everything would be okay. Moving around to straddle the man's legs, he gently pulled the book from his grip. He had to make this all okay again, he had to fix himself in order to save what they had. Cupping the mans face, he looked directly into Bruces eyes. Tony had never been good with words, he tried to show his affection through sex only because he knew he'd screw it up if he tried to express his emotions any other way. But now he was going to try. He'd always try for Bruce.  
"I love you, I do. I never want you to forget it," he said lowly, huskily, trying to explain how much Bruce meant to him, "you're my everything, Bruce." Leaning in, they kissed; slow and gentle, like sealing a promise. Soon the heat flared between them, the past unpleasantness fading away.  
Hands sliding up the back of Tony's shirt, Bruce whispered breathlessly, relieved, "I love you too." As they tumbled to the carpeted floor, Tony promised himself,_again_, to stop attacking the person who was, essentially, one half of him. And the better half obviously.

**[18 Hours Before The Accident]**

"Let's not sugar coat it, Banner," Tony snarled, "You and I know better than that. Sugar coating is just a fancy way of lying to me. You just don't want to be with me anymore, and you want to go back to fucking Betty because, basically, I'm not good enough!"  
"That's a lie, Tony, and you know it!" stepping forward, a wild desperation and fear in his eyes, he clutched at Tony's forearm, "don't say that about yourself, please."  
Hurt and angry, the billionaire wrenched his arm away, feeling his heart start to painfully crack, "why not? It's the truth! I was just your fun experiment, testing to see if you could fuck without splitting your precious girlfriend in half. Fine, whatever. Just go!"  
He watched as Bruce's face caved in on itself, and he felt sick to his stomach. He knew it was all his fault, he knew that and he hated himself for it.  
"I'm not going to see her, you know that. I'm going to ask for her and her fathers help with something," he breathed out, hands shaking, still reaching for Tony.  
"Don't insult my intelligence, Banner-"  
"_Stop calling me that!_" Tony jolted at the sudden presence of the Hulk in Bruce's voice, but he didn't back down. Maybe he could get Bruce to throw him across the room, and maybe then he'd stop feeling guilty. "I'll call you whatever I want! And besides, Banner is your name, is it not? Or do you prefer Shrek? Perhaps not, Shrek's an ogre and you are… well, you're just one of the things that haunt little children's dreams."

It seemed almost instantaneous that Tony was pressed against the wall, his hands pinned behind his back, Bruce panted loudly against him. The breath was knocked out of his lungs as Bruce's form rammed up against his own. Distress was evident on his face, Bruce was scared of himself now, and Tony was only making it worse. Of course, because making things worse was the only thing he could do.  
"Don't do this to us, Tony," he growled out, strained and vulnerable, "call me Bruce, like you always do. I don't want to accidentally snap and hurt you, I don't want to get angry. I love you. Oh, God, I love you- tell me you love me, because I know you do."  
His body shook with anger, he didn't want to believe that Bruce still loved him. It was so much easier to believe that Bruce wanted to be with Betty, even though it killed him to imagine the man with anyone else. "Just- leave, Bru- Banner. Just_ go._Go back to Betty"  
Bruce flinched as if physically hurt, and then he could have sworn he saw a film of tears cover the mans. Everything hurt him right now, because deep down, Tony knew he didn't deserve love, especially not Bruce Banners love. Using all of his strength, he shoved Bruce away, towards the door where his bag was waiting for the weekend long trip he was taking.

He turned quickly, not willing to let the man see the tears flaring up in his eyes, and he moved to the elevator, JARVIS opened it immediately. He refused to make eye contact with Bruce, though he could feel the mans eyes on him. The second the door closed, he sagged against the wall, chest heaving and eyes burning. He wouldn't cry, he couldn't cry, no. Tony Stark did not cry over lost love. No, he never would. Never. That night he crawled into their bed alone, and it smelled of Bruce, he shuddered and buried himself in the sheets. But still, he refused to cry, despite his aching heart. There was a hole in his life without Bruce there, and he highly doubted the man would be back now. Whatever chance there was of him coming back, was completely gone now. He'd made sure of that himself. Bruce would never come back to him. He clenched his fists until the shorted nails dug into his palms; "I'll never stop loving you," he whispered to the spot where Bruce would normally lay, swallowed a sob and squeezed his eyes shut, willing himself to sleep.

**[Less Than An Hour Before The Accident]**

_"Hi, you've reached the message bank of Tony Stark, please leave a message after the tone, but don't be surprised if I don't return your call."__  
_"Hi, Tony. I don't know what happened before, but I'm not going anywhere. I don't want to leave you. I'm just in the car right now, I'm coming back. I'm coming home. I don't care if you think I'm leaving, I'm not. I can't stay away from you, Tony. We've been together for nearly three years now, and I hope many more and I'm going to keep fighting for us to be together, I don't want to be without you and it's as simple as that. I love you, Tony. You know that, and I know you love me too. And I've got amazing news, I didn't want to tell you in case it didn't work, but, Tony. It worked. It finally worked. Betty found a way to reverse it, we fixed it, Tony! I'm fixed now. There's no other guy anymore, I can be angry and I can do whatever I want. I don't have to be afraid of myself anymore. I'm so happy, but all I want now is to come back home so we can talk. I'll do whatever I have to so we can work, because in all honesty, you're all I want. You're all I've ever wanted and I just wanted to say—- _We're sorry, your call seems to have been disconnected. Please try again later._"

**[Time of Death: 8:09pm]**


End file.
